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10 Signs You've Spent Too Much Time Gaming

Tamsin Oxford

If it’s past midnight and your hands have frozen to the keyboard because you were too busy nerfing to turn on the heating then, please, read on and save yourself! Here are Dealspwn's top ten signs that you've spent too much time gaming!

1. You’re fat10 Signs You've Spent Too Much Time Gaming

Yes, you’re no longer the size 10 that sidled onto the sofa when first discovering the magic of gaming.

You are now a fat, lazy bastard who’s incapable of climbing the stairs without the assistance of the banister. Sure, in the game you’re a death defying ninja with l33t skill0rz but sadly, in real life, you need to go for a run.

10 Signs You've Spent Too Much Time Gaming2. You’re malnourished

Fat, but malnourished. You see unlike in the game, food doesn’t heal you, make you stronger and instantly wake you up.

Sorry, but those three pizza slices, two chocolates and a bun that you just stuffed into your gob are all oozing with crap and have maybe 1/17th of your five a day. So in real life you probably barely have enough strength to lift your mouse, much less an epix sword.

3. Your local shop has banned you10 Signs You've Spent Too Much Time Gaming

This is because every time you’ve gone to buy household essentials such as milk, sugar, coffee and eggs you’ve stood on them and spent a good few minutes wondering why they haven’t entered your inventory.

Sure, other gamers hanging about your local Tesco are probably nodding sagely at your behaviour and giving you points for hardcore brilliance but the shop manager didn’t look kindly on crushed eggs and cornflakes all over his floor.

10 Signs You've Spent Too Much Time Gaming4. You’re devoutly religious

In any conversation about religious beliefs it is a guarantee that you’ll manage to stop everyone in their tracks with your convincing response of “I’m a gamer.”

You honestly can’t understand what else there is on earth that could possibly demand as much faith, belief and passion.

10 Signs You've Spent Too Much Time Gaming5. You can’t fight

Although nerds and geeks aren’t beaten up with the same levels of frequency as they were back in the 80s (Revenge of the Nerds anyone?) it’s still very sad when you ask the nice man approaching you while cracking his knuckles to, “Hang on a minute, just need to go and get my controller.”

10 Signs You've Spent Too Much Time Gaming6. You’ve got an ASBO

No, not because you’ve randomly attacked innocent people because you believe that they are merely pawns in a game of GTA. It’s because you have the urge to shoot out every security camera you see just in case the evil mastermind spots you entering his domain.

7. Your neighbour has issued a restraining order10 Signs You've Spent Too Much Time Gaming

If you’re going to constantly climb on ledges and edge around corners while holding a plastic gun to your chest and chanting, “hut hut hut” under your breath then you’ve got to understand when your neighbours get a little freaked out.

It’s not pretty seeing some fat bastard with his ass hanging out sitting on your window ledge when you’re trying to eat your dinner.

10 Signs You've Spent Too Much Time Gaming

8. Muggers love you

Playing Zelda has left you with the desperate need to hold anything new you’ve bought over your head in a wild gesture of victory. You stand there with your arms aloft, grinning like a maniac with the sounds of success echoing in your mind, in surround sound.

You do this when you go shopping (another reason they banned you), buy a magazine or collect a parcel from the post office. Now every criminal within a 10 mile radius knows exactly when to tackle you and take you down.

9. Your idea of music has changed

10 Signs You've Spent Too Much Time Gaming

Instead of being down with the latest tunes on the radio, iTunes or Spotify you’re too busy downloading the MP4 from the soundtrack to the movie of the game that was crap.

Super Mario Brothers wakes you up in the mornings and the soothing sounds of the WoW background music lulls to you sleep at night. You even know the words and get a brief moment of exercise dancing to the opening of CoD4.

10 Signs You've Spent Too Much Time Gaming

10. You don’t sleep

Unfortunately, the lack of a Save button in real life has left you with something of a dilemma. How can you possible go to sleep without being sure that you’ve saved your progress?

Fortunately, with the judicious use of a video camera, a controller and some tape you think that tonight you may actually get some sleep.

Add a comment6 comments
PAUL  Oct. 9, 2009 at 15:15


Jonsend  Oct. 9, 2009 at 17:02

Oh Dear, not lists :(

You trying to get on the front page of Digg or something?

Johnny Fyfe  Oct. 9, 2009 at 17:23

Usually love Dealspwn, but this was a really weak and juvenile article.

TruDamaja  Oct. 10, 2009 at 01:07

Wow, this is probably the most horrible list i've ever encountered. Whoever wrote this should never be allowed back on the internet. LAME!!

justin?  Oct. 10, 2009 at 04:28

cool! this is the funniest article i have ever read why can't all be like this. thank you so much to the author Tamsin Oxford,

and as for you people in the comments how dare you call your self a "gamer" this is an article made by kind and dedicated people to entretain you and you can't take a joke an start acting like fuking pussys and making these writers feel bad.

we are good'ol gamers, arent we ? that is why you took time of your buisy day to read this, then you are a true gamer, so behave like one and don't give us a bad rep. so be calm relax and cool and take a joke for once.

i thougt it was really fuking funny, atleast top 10 best articles "I" have read in the internet :)

Johnny Fyfe  Oct. 11, 2009 at 17:18

justin, when you've been through puberty you'll understand what the rest of us are talking about.


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