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10 Best Video-Game Weapons!

Felix Kemp

Gamers love swords and guns and any other type of object that can function as a killing-device, so here's a compilation of the Ten Best Weapons in Video-Games,  from Master Swords to Gravity Guns. Enjoy!

10. Perfect Dark’s Laptop Gun10 Best Video-Game Weapons!

Considering how many laptops are stolen each year, its amazing manufacturers havn't considered implementing some kind of offensive system into their products.

Whilst I'm not condoning laptops be retrofitted with high-caliber machineguns, ala Perfect Dark's Laptop-Gun, a mild electric shock wouldn't go amiss.

9. God of War's Blades of Chaos10 Best Video-Game Weapons!

Ah Kratos, that lovable Spartan brute, chains coiled around his muscular arms, grasping the curved Blades of Chaos, seemingly forged from some Olympian version of stainless-steel as, despite all the godly and demonic blood spilled, they still have that fresh-of-the-shelf sheen.

Although I can imagine them being quite a nuisance when showering, or during other extracurricular activities.

8. Fallout 3's Fat-Man10 Best Video-Game Weapons!

Fallout 3's Fat-Man has a misleading title. Sadly, it is not an obese gentleman you must hurl at the Wasteland's many foes and critters.

It is, however, a mini-nuke launcher, capable of producing a miniature mushroom cloud churning with flailing limbs and torsos spewing blood.

7. Halo's Energy Sword10 Best Video-Game Weapons!

A shameless lightsaber rip-off, Halo's Energy Sword is nonetheless a joy to use, especially in the multiplayer arena.

Advancing upon an enemy with the Sword drawn, its twin-blades crackling, your enemy frantically muttering "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck" as they scramble backwards, is an empowering experience, with the penultimate lunge and cart wheeling body.

6. Portal's Portal-Gun10 Best Video-Game Weapons!

Amazing, perplexing, Portal's eponymous gun transforms walls, ceilings and even harmless crates into potential avenues of destruction.

I, however, foresee different usages, beyond the conventional crate-and-turret affair, with the Portal Gun being used to make quick getaways from dangerous situations, such as bank-robberies or breaking a priceless ornament when meeting the parents.

5. Zelda's Master Sword10 Best Video-Game Weapons!

When Link withdrew the Master Sword from its marble tomb in Ocarina of Time like some elfin King Arthur, an iconic moment in video-games was born.

Sure, the hilt was purple, the blade wasn't magical, and the idea of the tunic-clad, golden-haired Link slaying demons and dragons was about as believable as a promise from a politician, but it is nonetheless a legendary weapon.

4. Gears of War's Lancer10 Best Video-Game Weapons!

Imagine if your run-of-the-mill chainsaw met a military-grade rifle, fell in love, and spawned an unholy, metallic child. If this painful-sounding trinity were to occur, it would no doubt produce Gears of War's Lancer, a machinegun equipped with a fearsome chainsaw-bayonet.

So if you get tired of riddling bodies with bullets and prefer to sate your bloodthirsty desires in some other way, the Lancer's got you sorted.

3. Doom's B.F.G. 900010 Best Video-Game Weapons!

As far as titles go, Doom's B.F.G. 9000 has the top spot already confirmed. It's a Big Fucking Gun, hence the acronym, and is a nostalgic reminder of a far simpler time in video-games, where narrative quality was eschewed in favour of Big Fucking Guns and even Bigger Fucking Explosions.

2. Turok's Cerebral Bore10 Best Video-Game Weapons!

I vividly remember first using the Cerebral Bore in Turok 2, marvelling as the projectile homed in on my target's head and drained it of cerebrospinal fluid, until the cranium popped like a ripe pinata.

It was truly a "Dear, diary..." moment.

1. Half-Life's Gravity Gun10 Best Video-Game Weapons!

Whereas most weapons on this list are simple point-and-shoot affairs, Half-Life's Gravity Gun, believe it or not Tabloid readers, requires some actual intelligence and ingenuity.

Designed for handling hazardous materials, the Gravity Gun can suck almost any suitably sized object into its maw, and then belch them back out. Certain objects prove better than others, such as circular saws or combustible canisters, although I kept looking for Andrex so I could kill someone with a roll of toilet-paper.

And so concludes our blood-soaked article. The amount of popped heads, bullet-riddled bodies and lopped-off arms these weapons are responsible for amounts to a virtual-genocide, but I seriously doubt anyone minds much!

Add a comment6 comments
Scruffy_bear  Jun. 26, 2009 at 13:40

I did a article just like this a few months ago it seems we both agree the the Gravity Gun is the best nice list.

Emma Kelly  Jun. 26, 2009 at 13:48

I also love the gravity gun! When I was first playing the level in the little picture above (Ravenhome?) I kept running out of ammo for my guns. I never even realised that I should be using the GG to throw saw blades, radiators and paint cans to have some fun and carnage. But once I realised this, ammo wasn't an issue any more!

Felix Kemp  Jun. 26, 2009 at 15:52

Yeah the Gravity Gun is great! It's not really a gun anyway, more of an instrument of destruction!

Sam Bell  Jun. 27, 2009 at 13:26

for me its gotta be the blades of chaos, no matter how much people he kills he will never be happy haha

david  Jul. 15, 2009 at 02:41

they should have had the rhino from ratchet and clank

Murdok  Jul. 27, 2009 at 17:59

Oh come on, where's the anal probe from Destroy All Humans?


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