Gamers love swords and guns and any other type of object that can function as a killing-device, so here's a compilation of the Ten Best Weapons in Video-Games, from Master Swords to Gravity Guns. Enjoy!
10. Perfect Dark’s Laptop Gun
Considering how many laptops are stolen each year, its amazing manufacturers havn't considered implementing some kind of offensive system into their products.
Whilst I'm not condoning laptops be retrofitted with high-caliber machineguns, ala Perfect Dark's Laptop-Gun, a mild electric shock wouldn't go amiss.
9. God of War's Blades of Chaos
Ah Kratos, that lovable Spartan brute, chains coiled around his muscular arms, grasping the curved Blades of Chaos, seemingly forged from some Olympian version of stainless-steel as, despite all the godly and demonic blood spilled, they still have that fresh-of-the-shelf sheen.
Although I can imagine them being quite a nuisance when showering, or during other extracurricular activities.
8. Fallout 3's Fat-Man
Fallout 3's Fat-Man has a misleading title. Sadly, it is not an obese gentleman you must hurl at the Wasteland's many foes and critters.
It is, however, a mini-nuke launcher, capable of producing a miniature mushroom cloud churning with flailing limbs and torsos spewing blood.
7. Halo's Energy Sword
A shameless lightsaber rip-off, Halo's Energy Sword is nonetheless a joy to use, especially in the multiplayer arena.
Advancing upon an enemy with the Sword drawn, its twin-blades crackling, your enemy frantically muttering "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck" as they scramble backwards, is an empowering experience, with the penultimate lunge and cart wheeling body.
6. Portal's Portal-Gun
Amazing, perplexing, Portal's eponymous gun transforms walls, ceilings and even harmless crates into potential avenues of destruction.
I, however, foresee different usages, beyond the conventional crate-and-turret affair, with the Portal Gun being used to make quick getaways from dangerous situations, such as bank-robberies or breaking a priceless ornament when meeting the parents.
5. Zelda's Master Sword
When Link withdrew the Master Sword from its marble tomb in Ocarina of Time like some elfin King Arthur, an iconic moment in video-games was born.
Sure, the hilt was purple, the blade wasn't magical, and the idea of the tunic-clad, golden-haired Link slaying demons and dragons was about as believable as a promise from a politician, but it is nonetheless a legendary weapon.
4. Gears of War's Lancer
Imagine if your run-of-the-mill chainsaw met a military-grade rifle, fell in love, and spawned an unholy, metallic child. If this painful-sounding trinity were to occur, it would no doubt produce Gears of War's Lancer, a machinegun equipped with a fearsome chainsaw-bayonet.
So if you get tired of riddling bodies with bullets and prefer to sate your bloodthirsty desires in some other way, the Lancer's got you sorted.
3. Doom's B.F.G. 9000
As far as titles go, Doom's B.F.G. 9000 has the top spot already confirmed. It's a Big Fucking Gun, hence the acronym, and is a nostalgic reminder of a far simpler time in video-games, where narrative quality was eschewed in favour of Big Fucking Guns and even Bigger Fucking Explosions.
2. Turok's Cerebral Bore
I vividly remember first using the Cerebral Bore in Turok 2, marvelling as the projectile homed in on my target's head and drained it of cerebrospinal fluid, until the cranium popped like a ripe pinata.
It was truly a "Dear, diary..." moment.
1. Half-Life's Gravity Gun
Whereas most weapons on this list are simple point-and-shoot affairs, Half-Life's Gravity Gun, believe it or not Tabloid readers, requires some actual intelligence and ingenuity.
Designed for handling hazardous materials, the Gravity Gun can suck almost any suitably sized object into its maw, and then belch them back out. Certain objects prove better than others, such as circular saws or combustible canisters, although I kept looking for Andrex so I could kill someone with a roll of toilet-paper.
And so concludes our blood-soaked article. The amount of popped heads, bullet-riddled bodies and lopped-off arms these weapons are responsible for amounts to a virtual-genocide, but I seriously doubt anyone minds much!