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Community Corner | Call of Duty: Ghosts – Better With Kinect

Call Of Duty: Ghosts, Community Corner, Humour, Kinect, Xbox One

Community Corner | Call of Duty: Ghosts – Better With Kinect

We love our readership, especially when people get stuck into an opinion piece that we've written, or are picking apart reviews and interviews, sharing their thoughts. In fact, ever since we started amassing a few vocal regulars (thanks folks!) we've put out feelers regarding the notion of a semi-regular Community Corner column. If you've had a reaction to a happening in this fair industry of ours, or maybe want to wax lyrical about a recent game, or have been ruminating on an aspect of gaming or gamer culture with a fresh, unique perspective... we want to hear from you!

Alternatively, as stevenjameshyde has done, you could always make us laugh, which brings us to this rib-tickling imagination of What Might Be given the marriage of Call of Duty and the Xbone...

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Call of Duty: Ghosts – Better With Kinect

Community Corner | Call of Duty: Ghosts – Better With Kinect

Ahead of it’s official unveiling at E3 next week, I’ve been granted an exclusive sneak preview of the way that Kinect is being integrated into Activision’s flagship next-gen title. Microsoft are hoping that the soon-to-be-unveiled list of features will end all doubts about how Kinect can be successfully integrated into ‘core’ games, and drive gamers towards the Xbox One as the console of choice for the definitive CoD experience

(NB: The list below is a work of fiction. It starts out with some pretty neat ideas, but rapidly descends into a poor attempt at satire. You have been warned!)

  • When looking down a sniper scope, your aim can be steadied by actually holding your breath, rather than the standard ‘press LS to hold breath’ input. The button input will remain in place for those exercise-deprived players who have the lung-capacity of an asthmatic octogenarian.
  • During the game’s numerous stealth sections, players will have to remain quiet in order to avoid giving away their location to enemy soldiers.
  • In the stealth sections of the co-operative game mode, players can therefore only communicate with each other using whispers lest they give the game away. However making use of Kinect’s advanced finger-tracking capability, players are encouraged to perform a full range of military-style hand gestures which will be faithfully recreated by their on-screen character.
  • Kinect’s camera can be used to make a player’s online avatar faithfully recreate their real-life appearance. This will ensure that players are fully aware that their sharp-shooting virtual nemesis is, in fact, an 11-year old girl with adorable pigtails. It also allows racial, sexist, and appearance-based insults to be aimed at other players with a previously unheard of level of accuracy, only on Xbox LIVE.
  • This capability is also used to give players who sport a Soap MacTavish-style moustache an online stats boost commensurate with the awesomeness of their facial hair. Should Dusty Hill of ZZ Top fancy taking to the online lobbies at any point, he will be rewarded with a stat boost functionally indistinguishable from invincibility.
  • You can stroke the dog, and tickle it behind the ears. A group of staffers who previously made multi-million selling skateboarding games for Activision are currently working on a Kinectimals-style DLC pack, and wondering where it all went wrong with their lives.
  • During the single-player campaign, player’s facial expressions and heart rates will be monitored throughout. Players who don’t flinch when something explodes nearby, and react to the campaign’s obligatory tabloid-baiting moment of ultraviolent sadism with an inappropriate level of emotional detachment, will be added to a database created with the intent of preventing high school shootings before they happen/the US military’s recruitment mailing list (delete as appropriate).
  • In response to the critical and commercial success of the Xbox 360’s flagship core gaming experience, Kinect Star Wars, the 5th level of the single-player campaign will treat long-term fans of the franchise to a special guest appearance from Captain Price taking part in a dance-off contest

Xbox community spokesman Larry “Major Nelson” Hyrb refused to confirm or deny the existence of any of the exclusive new features detailed in the ‘CoD: Ghosts – Better With Kinect’ leak ahead of the official E3 reveal, saying nothing more than “can you implement a fully-featured dance minigame with a poxy little touch pad? I don’t think so!”, before cryptically placing one finger to his lips and shuffling away from me.

Call of Duty: Ghosts releases on all major platforms, and Wii U, on November 5th.

Huge thanks to Steve for his submission. If you've got something you'd like us to consider for Community Corner, let us know at [email protected]!

Add a comment3 comments
Kopite211  Jun. 6, 2013 at 20:44

Me thinks the tag line based on past experience should no longer be "better with kinect" but "different with kinect".

stevenjameshyde  Jun. 7, 2013 at 08:45

Me thinks the tag line based on past experience should no longer be "better with kinect" but "different with kinect".

I'd go with simply "With Kinect", or perhaps "KINECT!!!"

Late  Jun. 8, 2013 at 01:56

Didn't get the chance to read this until now...
SJH you're a legend!
Fantastic tongue in cheek piece (I say tongue in cheek rather than complete pi$$-take because some of those features do sound pretty good and/or plausible - but that may be affected by my #1 haircut and beard).
Great work mate :D

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