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COMPETITION! Win Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen

Matt Gardner
Capcom, Competitions, Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen

COMPETITION! Win Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen

Happy Bank Holiday folks! Just before you venture forth to nab a pleasant sip of cider in the sun, here's a chance for you to nab yourself a sparklingly new promo copy of Capcom's Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen for Xbox 360.

If you have no idea what that is, or if it's any cop, check out our review from earlier. But trust us, it's good. Really good.

All you have to do to get your name chucked into the proverbial hat is to write a comment in the box below explaining how you'd go about killing a dragon. The more outlandish the better. We want to be tickled pink with laughter. Whichever entry makes us laugh (or cringe, because we're mad for terrible puns) the most shall receive a free copy of the game.

And if we can't decide that way, we'll write a shortlist of names onto individual steaks, chuck them into our office shark tank, and see which steak gets eaten last.

A few things to bear in mind:

  • One entry per user (you can comment more than once, but we'll only count your entry the first time)
  • Please use a real email address in case you prove victorious
  • UK entrants only please
  • Closing date: Tuesday 7th May @ 15:00

Good luck!

Add a comment27 comments
GetsugaTenshoS  May. 3, 2013 at 17:20

I'd invite him over for lunch, give him some sandwiches and ask him about his day. When he's going on about his day I ask him mif he'd like a cup of coffee and then BAM the boiling hot coffee is thrown in his face.

While he's writhing in pain, I get a sharp knife then deal the killing blow with the words "Sorry to cut you off but you just dragon".

Last edited by GetsugaTenshoS, May. 3, 2013 at 20:11
cheekyangus  May. 3, 2013 at 17:21

I'd open a dimensional portal, borrow a forklift from the other world, drive it back through and continually circle the the dragon with it to make it dizzy whilst reading aloud the entire Oxford English Dictionary. The combination of the above will put it to sleep or in a trance and therefore give the opportunity to move in for the kill. The killing blow will then come from picking the dragon up on the forklift prongs and dumping it off a precipice I'd crossed earlier to reach the beast and it would fall down onto the spikes below.

Breadster  May. 3, 2013 at 17:24

I'd set my dogma on it...

reutunes  May. 3, 2013 at 18:08

I thought Thatcher was already dead?

Quietus  May. 3, 2013 at 18:35

I'd say "this statement is false", then, when it's engrossed in the paradox, I'd yell JOOR ZAH FRUL, and use Ice Punch on it.

stevenjameshyde  May. 3, 2013 at 19:57

I would watch noted Dreamworks documentary How to Train Your Dragon for pointers. I think you're supposed to tickle them behind the ears, or something

[email protected]  May. 3, 2013 at 20:23

I'd invite him to Boletarian (Demon's Souls).
And say Mr Dragon met Mr Red Dragon, oh and Mrs Blue Dragon.

Who shall exit victorious?
There's only one way to find out...FIGHT!

Robin23  May. 3, 2013 at 20:43

I'd take said dragon to a Justin Bieber concert. That'd do the job sure enough. Maybe he could write a few words in the Dragon's book of remembrance too.

shadokidd  May. 3, 2013 at 21:15

i will cover my pawns in the most deadliest poison (uncooked toast)then fake there deaths one by one by tripping over a stone infront of the dragon, it will then eat them, it will then die 10 years after consuming the pawns and ill go back and reap the rewards of a dragon toe forged cubicle

Anarchist  May. 3, 2013 at 21:17

I would inject him with aids.

Then sit back and let nature take its course, as he dies a long and painful death. That way his misery would drag-on for as long as possible!

Although having unprotected sex with a dragon in the first place does sound a bit risky... But kinky!

Last edited by Anarchist, May. 4, 2013 at 10:37
GlenSF  May. 3, 2013 at 22:28

I'd go back to 1955, find his parents, invite his mother out for a nice seafood dinner and make sure that they never shared that first kiss at the Enchantment under the sea dance thus making sure he never existed in the first place.

Last edited by GlenSF, May. 3, 2013 at 22:29
LordLard  May. 4, 2013 at 01:06

In order to defeat a dogmatic dragon, I would impale his scaly ass with my Flexible Sword of Pragmatic Open-mindedness(+1). Then I would ritually humiliate him by wee-weeing all over his charred remains.

kid_jump  May. 4, 2013 at 01:14

id would climb onto it when i get the chance and repeatedly attack its face, dangerous but if it cant blinded, it makes my job easier ^.^

Spectral  May. 4, 2013 at 07:46


Teppic2000  May. 4, 2013 at 08:02

I'd nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure...

Shained  May. 4, 2013 at 10:49

I'll be honest I don't think I'd stand a chance! So I'd make a sign saying "Chuck Norris is weak" and place it in front of said Dragon.

In no time at all he would be roundhouse kicking the Dragon into oblivion!

Everyone knows no one can take a Chuck roundhouse.

JohnCrichton  May. 4, 2013 at 11:30

Remove the Dagger Of Xian from its heart.

mrzootsuit  May. 4, 2013 at 12:26

If it happened to be a very sexy lady dragon then I would have to go with death by Snoo-Snoo.

If there's one thing I've learnt from Shrek it's that you don't have to be a dragon to want to have sex with one.

Last edited by mrzootsuit, May. 4, 2013 at 12:28
HeyListen  May. 4, 2013 at 19:02

If it was an evil dragon, I would:

Give him a game and tell him it's free,
Then make him pay for DLC,
Fart in his seat when he wasn't lookin,
Ring his mobile when he was fookin,
Let him use needles that were unclean,
Make him play Colonial Marines,
Get him high on superglue,
Take him to get a Jimmy Saville Tatoo,
Do chicken burps in his general direction,
Make him think of old men when he had an erection,
Finally I would scare him when he was pissing,
Go to police station and declare him missing,
Everyone would think that I was legit,
Coz I'd swear that fairy from Zelda did it

NinjaK  May. 4, 2013 at 20:49

Simples....just set my missus on him....he wouldn't stand a chance!

Anarchist  May. 5, 2013 at 12:04

Ps when is closing date? I need to make sure my mailbox isn't full of Viagra, Nigerians and dragon dating website invites

Marviewarvie  May. 5, 2013 at 12:48

I'd send it on holiday with Madeline McCanns parents.

(Too harsh?)

Anarchist  May. 5, 2013 at 12:55

I'd send it on holiday with Madeline McCanns parents.

(Too harsh?)


LazerFX  May. 7, 2013 at 10:04

Well, I'd steal an enchanted ring from a supernatural all encompassing evil. Said ring would make me invisible, and keeping the ring to myself, I'd recruit a team of under-achievers in the growth area and a mystical mummer then go on an over-long trek through a strangely mundane magical land, until I actually convinced some random dude to shoot the dragon with a ratty old bow and arrow by conning him to think that there was a particular weak spot in the underside.


OK, then... I'd probably just use an Apache Helicopter. An Apache Helicopter has Machine Guns AND missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive compliment of weaponry, an absolute death machine.

cheekyangus  May. 20, 2013 at 10:42

So who won?


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