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David Brown's Free Play | Police, Pianos and Plastic Penises

David Brown
Browser games, Free Play, Freeware, Japan World Cup 2, Music Catch, Raid Mission

David Brown's Free Play | Police, Pianos and Plastic Penises

One thing we can be thankful for in this modern world is there are always hired goons ready to be mown down in waves. Without their selfless efforts, games like Raid Mission wouldn't exist and our shooters would be devoid of unintelligent scum to eliminate.

A turn-based strategic combat game, you take control of a group of police cops intent on stomping on the throat of crime. As their commander and general god-like figure, you order them around, equip them and change their underwear when things get all dangerous.

Your first mission is to arrest a 'gangster boss' who has been disturbing the peace in a place called Springville City. Once in game, two goons start shooting at you, but naturally they miss. Then it's your turn, and you get to choose whether or not to take a look at the tutorial. You should, really.

Pressing Attack and then hovering the mouse over an enemy will show your percentage to hit, depending on your character's accuracy, whether or not the enemy is behind cover, things like that. You can also move to different cover, wait, change weapons, select items and use a special attack when allowed.

David Brown's Free Play | Police, Pianos and Plastic Penises

These special attacks can be used when the yellow bar beneath your characters is fully charged. The first one you'll get is a melee strike that stuns a nearby opponent, but you have to get in close to deliver such a blow.

Once you've finished the relatively easy first stage, you can spend some of your down time in the Shop, where you can purchase armour, hand, shot or submachine guns, plus a few handy tactical items like grenades, tear gas bombs and such. There are also high power rifles, a machine gun and even an RPG if you've got enough cash.

For a browser-based game, there's a decent amount of depth here, plus with optional objectives and the choice of taking a wife variety of different equipment loadouts into battle, there's plenty of scope for replayability. A definite thumbs up, although the storyline won't bother you one bit.

This next game couldn't be more different. The latest in a growing line of games that let you 'play' songs, Music Catch is a very simple affair. A classical piano number plinks and plonks along, while lots of shapes spew forth from a gray line. Your job is to sweep as many of them up as possible to boost your points total, the majority of them being basic green ones.

To get a good score, you'll need to look at for the yellow shapes, which will increase your multiplayer. Avoiding the red shapes is vital, as every time you collect one of these, your multiplier is reduced significantly.

David Brown's Free Play | Police, Pianos and Plastic Penises

There are also purple shapes that give you a very brief magnet power, hoovering up every green and yellow shape for a few seconds. And that's pretty much it. Move the mouse around over the shapes, and avoid the red ones. You don't even need to click. It's also fairly easy to avoid the red shapes, meaning there's not even an element of challenge to get a huge score.

As a freeware game, Music Catch works only in the sense that it makes you want to see what it would be like with your own MP3s generating the shapes, and it would be interesting to see how Music Catch copes with something like, say, Cryptopsy.

However, that requires money for the full version. And as we're here to discuss things that don't require the green stuff, it makes Music Catch severely limited as a freeware experience. And, having said that, it's hard to believe that even with your own music playing, it'd be more compelling than existing titles like Audiosurf and Beat Hazard.

Finally, there's Japan World Cup 2 which kind of defies description, and takes quite a while to load as it is hosted all the way over in that same country. Plus it's got lots of Japanese in it so is quite difficult to understand for us Westerners.

Anyway, it's kind of like a gambling game. One of the horses had what looked like a giant plastic penis growing out of its head, although it could have been a beige-coloured Elvis quiff. Then the next horse had two jockeys.

David Brown's Free Play | Police, Pianos and Plastic Penises

The Chinese rider had a long wispy beard and was mounted on a giant panda, an Indian (I think) jockey was riding a cleverly disguised elephant and so on. Completely brilliant madness, but what of the game?

Erm, well, the first race I watched just blew my mind, but the panda I bet on was last, apart from the horse constructed of two humans wearing a brown-coloured tube as a disguise. The second race had my panda rolling towards the finish in a ball, before the Elvis horse made a dash from the back with a pink cadillac suit on.

Yeah, so, play it, as it's kind of pointless describing it any more. No idea how many variations there are, but the beginning section seems to be mostly the same. So, to sum up, it's madness.

Oh, and there's also a first and third iteration, which are also completely nuts. Find them here and here.

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