There's an article titled "Destiny: The Dark Below Review... from someone who uninstalled the game months ago" sat in my Drafts tab right now, containing a 400-word rant about how mind-bogglingly cynical Destiny is as a game, and how offensive their first content drop is given the wealth of recycled material that you get for your £20 in The Dark Below.
For twenty of your British pounds, you can delight in three new missions, two new Strikes (sorry, one if you don't have a PlayStation), a new Raid, three new PvP maps, and a smattering of new weapons and armour.
Listing it all like that actually makes things sound a bit better than most DLC packs. But most DLC packs don't cost £20, or take place largely in areas of a game you've gone through time and time again. Don't expect Bungie to have suddenly learned how to match their gunplay up to decent level design, from what we've seen the AI is as dumb as before, and boss battles are still just a case of standing in a small room while mobs try and distract you from a lumbering, idiotic bullet-sponge that takes between 10-30 mins to kill by dogged attrition.
I played Halo 3 again over the weekend and remembered that Bungie used to actually be pretty good at this sort of thing. How I wept.
Destiny has now left my PS4, uninstalled to make way for games that are actually good and don't sucker me in with slot-machine mechanics and deeply cynical, borderline lazy design features geared towards fuelling grindy addiction rather than actual enjoyment.
With that in mind, we're going to perform a public service today and give you ten alternative ways of spending that £20 of yours. Don't buy The Dark Below and make yourself miserable as you wonder where the hell all that time you've wasted went. Spend your money on these things and be awesome instead.
This is an end, after all, but also... a beginni... no. Can't do it. Stupid [email protected]#$ing pile of vague bulls#! t. Let's get to the better ways of spending £20...
Titanfall has been leading Destiny in our Game of the Year community poll (click here to cast your vote if you haven't already) and we reckon that's fair. Jon already named it his Game of the Year 2014 for essentially setting the template for things to come. It's still brilliant, and you can pick it up for just £6 (£5 with code) at Tesco. Get two or three mates onboard and you're all set.
Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel is a flawed game, but it's also ridiculously good fun, especially with a friend. Read our Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel review here, and pick it up for £17.99 on PC from GameKeysNow.
This is how ridiculous Destiny's DLC pricing is. You can buy Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare on PC for under £20 right now! It's also a better game than Destiny, as our COD: Advanced Warfare review explains, and its multiplayer is truly a step forward for the series. Buy it here.
Okay, so I'm cheating with this one as it's a few pennies over the £20 mark. But it's still a damn fine deal, and you can spend your credit on lots of shiny PSN titles. Click here to grab the card itself, and don't forget to knock 5% by snaffling up a CDKeys voucher code from Facebook. Remember, there are loads of 20th Anniversary PSN deals to be had, click here for more info.
Lara Croft's isometric, top-down, pick-up-and-play adventures are great, and this latest one offers up some 4-way co-op action too. It's brilliant fun, with some excellent puzzling and cracking level design to be had. Click here to buy the game itself for £14.99, or if you want to buy Lara Croft and the Temple of Osiris and the season pass for £19.99, click here. Remember, you get 10% off if you're a PS Plus subscriber.
The Game of Thrones season pass is already under £20 on PSN. Seriously, you're going to get The Dark Below over this? Hahahaha. Click here to buy it.
Amiibos are cool. I mean, they're fairly useless right now unless you have Smash Bros, and even then, they don't really do much. But you'll smile every time you look at them... which is more than can be said for Destiny. every time I think about Destiny a cloud of disappointment coalesces above my head and my mood turns thunderous. Let some sunshine back into your life with the cheery charm of Nintendo. It's worth noting that you can pick up Mario, Fox, Link, and Samus still for a tenner.
Nidhogg costs £4.99 over on the Humble Store right now, and the arcadey, acrobatic fencing extravaganza is pretty brilliant with a friend. Plus, you'll have £10 left over for a few beers. You could also just spend the £20 on beer.
Brendan named Wolfenstein: The New Order his game of the year, and it's difficult to resist the old-school, explosive, dual-wielding, robo-dino romp that is The New Order. It's brilliantly OTT in its finest moments, and it'll put a massive grin on your face. Buy Wolfenstein: The New Order cheap on PS4 here, and pick it up for Xbox One by clicking here.
So there you have it. Ten things that you should probably do with your money other than spending it on The Dark Below. I mean, you could buy that Destiny DLC if you're actually having fun with the game and have a money tree. No one's stopping you. But I want you to think of these weekend tears of mine when you do.