Friday. Why, Sony? Why?! Bloodborne is out now in the United States and Europe, but not here in the UK, where we have to wait until the end of the week.
Which wouldn't be so bad... except that it's amazing.
Brendan's working on our full review, as copy was dispatched very late, but luckily British PS4 owners can use this extra time to sort out a few bits and ensure that they enjoy Bloodborne to the full when it finally arrives.
Clear 41GB of hard disc space
Bloodborne is a big beast and is going to take up an appropriately large slice of your PS4 hard drive. A whopping 41GB to be exact.
Chances are that many of you will have to do a little triage. Oh well, to be honest it's probably time that Knack, Killzone and The Order cleared out and made way for a real killer app.
Check out the upcoming patches
You'll also need a spare 3GB to download the day-one patch, which will be absolutely essential for enjoying Bloodborne to the full. It adds online functionality, performance and stability improvements and squashes some bugs into the bargain.
Apparently From Software are also working on another update to bring down the loading times, which are reportedly a bit on the long side.
If it makes you feel any better, you imagine that US and Europe are beta testing our game. Yeah. Nothing like a little delusion to ease the pain.
Buy a new controller...
Chances are Bloodborne is going to piss you off. So much so that even the most cool headed of gamers may find themselves flinging their beloved Dualshock 4's into the nearest wall. So, you could either spend a small fortune bubble-wrapping your room, going to anger management classes, or maybe just pick up a spare DualShock 4 for £36.47 (save £6).
...then bubble wrap EVERYTHING
Stuff will get broken, so act now to keep property damage to a minimum. Bubble wrap everything, yourself included.
Get loads of lemons
Bloodborne is a massive game, and there's a real risk of suffering from scurvy due to malnutrition. Man cannot live on snacks alone.
To this end, we'd suggest procuring several metric tonnes of lemons, which are a fantastic source of Vitamin C.
Forget Mountain Dew and Doritos: real gamers drink tea and eat biscuits. However, as any hardcore gamer knows, selecting the right biscuit is a fine art and choosing an inappropriate biccy can ruin your gaming experience.
So to this end, we've come up with some connoisseur choices for you:
- Dark chocolate Digestive: Unsettlingly familiar yet soulful and dark, just like Yharnam
- Garibaldi: Easy to eat, easy to store, won't leave grease on your DualShock. The raisins are a good source of nutrition and evoke shadowy powers from beyond the pale.
- Iced Gems: Are they biscuits? Who cares, they're awesome.
Come up with the best sick day excuse ever
If you've followed our guide correctly, you should be able to say the following:
"Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I'm covered in bubble wrap, suffering from lemon overdose and have a Garibaldi stuck in me tract."
Okay, fine. You do better!