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Grand Theft Dealspwn | Day 1 – The Quest For The Dapper Haircut

Carl Phillips
Fisticuffs, Grand Theft Auto V, Grand Theft Dealspwn, Haircuts

Grand Theft Dealspwn | Day 1 – The Quest For The Dapper Haircut

It’s finally here, and we here are Dealspwn will be bringing you coverage from within Los Santos for the next week or so (with our review on its way as well.) In the meantime though, we’ve decided to start up a daily diary of sorts to bring you some anecdotes from within our time playing Grand Theft Auto V over the previous 24 hours. We’ll be trying to keep these as spoiler-free as possible, so even if you’ve yet to buy the game you can still give it a read safe in the knowledge you’ll have plenty of discovery left. We’re nice like that, you see.

So to kick things off, Carl regales us with his first true moments of freedom within Rockstar’s latest crime-ridden sandbox.

I had just completed my first few missions with Franklin, gaining access to the streets of Los Santos without any pressing need to continue the storyline for the first time, and while most activities had yet to be unlocked I was ready to put peddle to the metal and see what was out there. Jumping into Franklin’s car, I drove for the first thing that popped up on my map… no, not the strip club, but the barbers – I wanted to give my main man a better do.

Everything was going fine. I was driving with care and attention, missing vehicles and pedestrians alike with the sort of skill you wouldn’t believe [you’re right, we don’t believe –Ed.] but then, as I went to turn onto a main road another car decides to slam into me. While annoying, it didn’t prepare me for what happened next as three men got out of the car, running over in my direction. I would have left it right there, driving off towards my hair augmentation (yep, it’s a phrase now) but all of a sudden these three men started hurling abuse. At me! Getting into character, I was like “Whaaaaaaat?” and instead of driving off, or even running them over, I got out of the car to face them, although my goal was to deal with it peacefully. I’m a gentleman, after all.

Yeah… well, things escalated quickly.

Grand Theft Dealspwn | Day 1 – The Quest For The Dapper Haircut
Walking up to the first man (let’s call him Alan) I was hoping I could yell at the Xbox and for it to recognise my arguments (better with Kinect, yo) but before I could do anything else, Alan had thrown a punch right in my face. I wasn’t having any of that, and so set to calming down the young fellow with a round of fisticuffs. Punches were thrown, sexual decency of mothers were questioned, but ultimately I stood victorious, with Alan now taking a nap on the sidewalk, all tuckered out from out brawl. This angered Alan’s two friends, probably because sleeping on concrete was going to do Alan’s back in, and so they also began attacking me. Long story short – I tired them out and left them resting right next to Alan, but when a local resident mistook the ruckus for a murderous brawl, they called the Police. I felt it was in my best interests if I moved on. Quickly.

With sirens blaring in the background, I remember what I was meant to be doing – getting a haircut. No amount of the fuzz was going to stop me from my make-over, and so in an effort to outsmart the patrolling cars I decided to go around the block and take a short cut down a back alley. It seemed like the right thing to do – after all, the barber shop was pretty much around the corner, and I could be getting my hair freshly chopped within a minute. It would have been SO easy… but all of a sudden, a wild fence appeared, unrelenting in its duty to keep me out of the nearby area. Unable to control the car, it slammed into the fence. “It’s just a dented hood,” I told myself, “everything will be fine.”

It wasn’t fine. It wasn’t fine at all.

Grand Theft Dealspwn | Day 1 – The Quest For The Dapper Haircut

It wasn’t until I was driving away and felt the controller vibrating like crazy that I realised that the wheel had managed to get itself jammed into the fender. “It’s just a little dented, it’s still good,” I proclaimed as my car grinded its way forward, although upon attempting to steer the car, with the turn arc now utterly screwed up, I crashed into another wall, jamming the car in place. “It’s just a little stuck, it’s still good,” I said in a panic, now resorting to punching the car to try and make it move. It didn’t work. After a few minutes of attempting to reverse in a manic fashion, the car broke free, and I was on my way. It was at this point that the wheel then started sparking, and the tire popped. “It’s just a little blowout, it’s st-”... and then I crashed into an on-coming car. I decided at this point the vehicle had had its day.

Thankfully I was right outside the barbers at this point. Swings and roundabouts, eh?

Grand Theft Dealspwn | Day 1 – The Quest For The Dapper Haircut

Looking good, Franklin!

We’ll be back with more stories from Los Santos tomorrow.

Add a comment2 comments
DivideByZero  Sep. 19, 2013 at 12:24

Yep, sounds like I won't like GTA5 the same as I didn't like GTA4.

Late  Sep. 19, 2013 at 14:18

I favour doing my own thing rather than getting into the missions, so as soon as I had free control of my character I headed to the nearest icon on my radar. I don't mind wasting a bit of my character's money on new clothes etc, and the wife was in the room and would probably prefer to watch my character buying new clobber rather than going on a killing spree, so the icon of a shoe was a welcome sight.
I was a little surprised that it was a high heel, while the three lead characters are males, but figured it's probably easier to have a woman's shoe as an icon than a man's shoe.

Turns out it was a strip joint. Oops! (Can't remember if they used the same icon and had strip clubs in previous games - it's been a while...)
Still, Franklin and I enjoyed his lapdance from a couple of busty ladies until he got physically ejected for touching them up. The wife saw the funny side. ;)

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