The stories from the streets of Los Santos continue as the Dealspwn team regale their tales from within Grand Theft Auto V. In today’s entry, Carl decides to put the stress of crime behind him for a while, before looking to earn some much needed cash.
I’ll tell you one thing – the residents of Los Santos are poor. While it would be obvious to come to this conclusion after driving around the city for twenty minutes and seeing half the homes foreclosed, I mean it in a much more individual sense. When someone loses the fight against my car’s bumper, they seem to have little to no money of them at all (which is probably why they’re flinging themselves at my vehicle. Silly people – I then have to pay for the repair bill!) Gone are the days of GTA 3 or GTA 4 where you could run over a bunch of pedestrians for a quick cash injection so you could buy a much needed piece of armour or an extra round of ammunition. Yep, these days you’re relying on putting in a hard day’s work before seeing some of the money.
I decided Michael wasn’t quite ready for that, and so I decided we needed to relax for a while doing an activity that was cheap and cheerful. “How about the fairground?” I thought to myself, “That always has cheap things to do! And it’s right by the beach!” And so I set about heading to the pier to have a bit of fun before thinking earning a wage. Driving up, I couldn’t see an obvious car park, so I placed my car in the middle of the pier for safe keeping. “Nobody is going to steal it in such a public place!” I declared as I began enjoying the afternoon, but some people were determined to bring me down. You see, a few pedestrians had taken offense at my excellent decision on parking my car, and were shouting abuse at me. While I could have tried to reason with them, I decided this day was all about me and enjoying the local sights. It was at that moment something caught my eye – a crowd of people surrounding someone completely silver.
Yep, it was a human statue.
Getting closer, I saw he was doing various poses and then holding them for the mesmerised crown, gawping at his every non-movement. Now, I appreciate a good street performer as much as the next guy, but I wanted to know just how this statue man really was, so I decided to get a closer look at his composure in action. Like, right in his grill close. After all, the best human statues don’t flinch, they don’t response, and they don’t let the crowd affect their performance. By my calculations, it took under two second for the guy to try punching me in the face.
Well, I wasn’t going to let that slide. It didn’t take long for the fisticuffs to tire out the human statue, who decided to have a nap on the boardwalk (he clearly over-exerted himself standing around all day) although, as per usual, some passers-by were alarmed by our exchange. I attempted to explain that it was all a part of an open air play called “The Fall Of Statue Man” but they didn’t agree, and decided to alert the authorities.
After a few minutes of evading the law, I returned to the fairground with the intention of salvaging the day. As I looked around, I came across one of the interactive things I could do – ride a rollercoaster. Excited, I ran up the stairs to the booth and paid an extortionate amount of money to get a seat right at the front of the ride. It began to climb, and I was ready to finally enjoy myself… but in all fairness, it was the worst ride ever. No loop-de-loops, no sudden drops, not even a fatality or two. In a word, it was beyond dull. Angered by this turn of events, I proceeded to leave, “acquire” a car, and then sped away from the disappointment.
A few people may have gone under the wheels during this process.
So, having fun was a bust, but having spent a ridiculous amount on a ticket for that pathetic excuse for a ride, I was now in need of money more than ever. As I debated the possible options beyond progressing with the story missions, the answer drove right up to me – a taxi. I knew exactly what I had to do, and kindly asked the driver to vacate the vehicle so I could do their shift. This was met with some resistance, but they saw my way in the end, and had a nap instead. So began my glorious career as a taxi driver where I only had one rule – I’ll get you there with the ride of your life, guaranteed! [PHRASING, CARL. -Ed.]
The thing is, the career wasn’t quite as glorious as I was hoping it was. Earning money for the time sent dropping people off was slow, even if I was getting $300 or so a time, and a good chunk of that money depending on tips. This is where I learned the hard way that people in Los Santos are unable to appreciate the effectiveness of a speedy delivery over a few bumps here and there. An example of one such fare had me taking a woman from the beach all the way to a museum on a hill. Everything was going smoothly, weaving between cars and ignoring traffic lights for the sake of the customer, and I hadn’t even so much as made a scratch on the car, but upon the final approach as I drove around the winding roads up towards the destination, disaster struck as some IDIOT in a commercial 4x4 decided to break, causing me to hit them. A smooth ride ruined by them, but we were mere second from the destination so I finished the fare… only to receive no tip because apparently it was my fault, and she was traumatised, apparently.
While I could have easily relieved her of her stress (and money) I decided to do the right thing and get another fare, this time from the museum to a fancy hotel in the Vinewood hills. “This one is going to be flawless,” I told myself, and so began my perfect run. No collisions, no murdered pedestrians – just a fast delivery done in style. As I approached the destination I could feel the tip was going to be huge. I honestly couldn’t wait to see how the passenger was going to rate my dr-... it was $28.
“Screw this,” I thought, “I’m going back to a life of crime.”
Keep reaching for the stars, Michael!
We’ll be back with more stories from the streets of Los Santos.