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Who Griefs The Griefers?

Tamsin Oxford

Following last week's article on the insidious facets of griefing, we bring you 10 ways to grief the griefers. Revenge is so very, very sweet.

Don’t rant and rave, get even, Steven.

Sometimes it’s hard to sit back and ignore that griefing lunatic that’s been bugging you for the best part of two hours. Sure, the internet tells you that this is what you’re “supposed” to do and that taking revenge is the worst possible tactic, but there is that one moment when you realise that you’re going to have to make your move or hate yourself forever.

Who Griefs The Griefers?1. Question them

He’s taunting you, making stupid comments, discussing your genetic origins in group chat for the hundredth time. Want revenge?

Come up with a remark that’s designed to completely discredit him (or her).  Question their ability to grief. Ask them how they can possibly consider themselves a true griefer if they can’t even insult you properly. Offer them the opportunity to teach them how to do it right.  They should either shut up or PM you.

2. Bait them

If you’re lurking in the wonders of Second Life why not buy an island. Now you have the power to wait patiently, like a spider in her web, for the griefers to come a-knocking. As the owner you can block flights and prevent property damage and, the best part, teleport avatars off the island. Wait for them to come, whisk them back off. Hours of entertainment at a griefer’s expense.

3. Bluff

Send them a private message telling them that you’re a high-ranking member of a well known griefing clan like the Guiding Hand Social Club or the Goons. Most random griefers who have even an ounce of internet know-how will recognise an infamous name and run away like the pathetic cowards they are.

Who Griefs The Griefers?4. Vote

Vote them out. Games like Left 4 Dead give you the ability to vote out offensive players that have gone a rage quit too far.

Cheaters and scum are voted out of the game and left to play by themselves. Poor little things.

5. Sing

Any game that has you yabbering away online with other lovely people will often have you enduring some lunatic  griefer. This is when you break into the most irritating song you can think of, preferably off-key. If you can get other members to join in then all the better. Although you may want to give other people a word of warning in case they slap the griefer label onto your wailing ass.

6. Mirror

If he follows you, follow him. If he kills mobs and runs at you, do the same to him. If he shouts at you, shout back. Become a mirror and replicate his every action until he gets a headache and goes away. Bear in mind that this solution is usually one that requires a lot of stamina and patience and that you may hate yourself a little at the end of it. Take a shower; it will wash off the anguish you feel, promise.

Who Griefs The Griefers?7. Shoot

Just shoot the bastard. There are plenty of games, including Second Life, that give you the ability to kill off another player. It doesn’t matter how you do it or how you manipulate the game mechanics but leaving his battered and bloody corpse on the floor as you stride/ride/fly into the sunset is immensely satisfying.

Yes, I know he will res and maybe he’ll find you, but why should griefers get to have all the fun? Other gamers may even applaud and praise you, which is also very nice.

Killing is forbidden in many cases by the way and you could end up being massacred by NPCs, so please do your homework and do it properly.

Who Griefs The Griefers?8. Leave

They do it for the “lulz” (gah!) so you’re probably going to find a lot of griefers enjoying themselves immensely if you react to them. Patiently helping a griefer or calmly trying to get them to stop will fail. So will yelling, screaming and getting upset. All you’re doing is playing into their fantasy and making them deeply happy. Want to get true revenge on a griefer? Log off. Have tea. Log on a bit later. Have fun and forget about them. Bullies hate being ignored, poor dears.

9. Laugh at them

Whether it’s on chat or on a mic, laugh and laugh and laugh. Nobody likes being laughed AT. Nobody. Unless they’ve slipped on a banana peel but then chances are they’re either laughing with you or they’re on their way to A&E. Collapsing into hysterical laughter whenever they move, speak or act is bound to irritate the hell out of them. Just don’t laugh when they cause mayhem at a vital point in the game. That would just be seen as encouragement.

Who Griefs The Griefers?10.Play

Play the game. In these games you’re often part of a team, a group, so if you’re having a particularly hard time dealing with griefers, or a gang of such creatures, then it’s time for you to exact some revenge as a team.

Invite the offensive twits to a raid and then get everyone to quit in the middle of a boss fight (WoW), or happily embark on a mission only to disappear at a crucial moment (EVE).

Revenge is a dish best served cold...

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