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Why We Love...Love Fist

Matt Gardner
Features, GTA Vice City, Love Fist, Why We Love

Why We Love...Love Fist

Rockstar have spoilt us really. The Grand Theft Auto series has never really produced a dud, although some might criticise the long-running sandbox franchise as essentially being exactly the same game repackaged time and again. But to do so would be to ignore the details, and Rockstar are nothing if not all about the details.

Though GTA 3 was an undoubtedly important game, San Andreas offered more options and customisation than ever before not to mention some fantastic territorial empire-building, and GTA 4 served up an enormous slice of polished next-gen urban richness, my personal favourite comes in the form of GTA: Vice City...and I know I'm not alone.

Why We Love...Love Fist

It's almost too easy to extract severe amusement from poking fun at the 80s these days, but Rockstar managed to perfectly balance nostalgia with trademark biting wit and satirical cultural humour. Taking the piss out of hair metal and glam rock whilst simultaneously revelling in it was always going to be par for the course really.

And so, channelling the likes of Mötley Crüe, with a splash of Spinal Tap thrown in for good measure, Vice City gave rise to the musical behemoth that is Love Fist.

The Scottish glam-metal outfit is headed up by Jezz Torrent (try saying that in a thick Scottish burr and then try not to chuckle at the puerile pun), voiced to perfection by Kevin McKidd, with bandmembers Willy, Dick and Percy completing the lineup. As confused in their design choices as they are in their sexual orientation, you'll find Love Fist's musical pelvic thrusts over on V-Rock for the most part.

Who wouldn't fall in love with songs like 'Dangerous Bastard' and 'Fist Fury'? But there's so much that's yet to be experienced too, so much that is merely referenced in passing on Vice City's radio airwaves. Who wouldn't be chomping at the bit for songs such as 'Four Boys against Your Face', 'Satan’s Pillows', 'Beast Fist', 'Take it on the Chin', 'Zinc Deficiency' and 'Chin Stainer'. The day that the album 'Dogs On Heat' finally gets made, I'll be an incredibly happy man indeed.

Then, of course, there's the limo. A modified version of the game's Stretch, the Love Fist vehicle comes with a turbocharged engine, side-mounted exhaust pipes, lashings of red paint and tinted windows. It's also a little bit quicker, a little sharper, and a little lighter on its feet than the usual Stretch, which helps when driving it around to fan gatherings or emulating Speed and attempting to prevent a bomb from going off. Needless to say, you wouldn't want to flash a UV light around the interior.

Vice City is full of colourful characters, but these four stand out in particular. Jezz Torrent allegedly used to have relations with sheep, guitarist Dick is a huge fan of Duran Duran, bassist Percy likes to sleep in bunny pajamas whilst Willy the drummer enjoys donning women's underwear. These boys are old school - all fast cars, loose women, PVC catsuits and testicle clamps. They don't do rehab to kick the habit, they do religious cults. But for all of those doubters, jump into an Infernus, crank the volume up to 11 and let Lazlow introduce your ears to the musical equivalent of Viagra.

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