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Top Ten Tuesdays | Worst Video Game Characters To Take On A Date

Author:
Matt Gardner
Category:
Features
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Top Ten, Top Ten Tuesdays, Worst Video Game Characters To Take On A Date

There are some wonderful video game characters out there, weird, wonderful and often downright terrifying. But you wouldn't take many of them home to meet your mum. We pick out ten of the worst candidates for that awkward first date.

Bayonetta

Top Ten Tuesdays | Worst Video Game Characters To Take On A Date
Bayonetta was almost certainly a pretty gawky, weird kid at school. Only now she's grown into her looks, but retained the weirdness. Yes, she's got the sexy secretary specs and legs that stretch up to heaven. But you'd never be able to take her to a gig, she'd start headbanging and, considering her outfit is made out of her own hair, that's just going to end badly. Suddenly your date is naked on the middle of the dance floor and you're being brutally tortured by angelic demons.

Super Meat Boy

Top Ten Tuesdays | Worst Video Game Characters To Take On A Date
Steak is wonderful. It's fantastic. But you'd never be able to eat it in front of Super Meat Boy, he'd flip out, start raging about cannibalism and jump on you. Furthermore, the skinless wonder would cheese off anybody in the near vicinity at dinner by utterly ruining the immediate surroundings and pristine table cloth by bleeding profusely all over it, grinning all the while like an animated abattoir victim.

Rayne

Top Ten Tuesdays | Worst Video Game Characters To Take On A Date
Experimentation is fun, but when you find yourself on the first date - first date! - hanging upside down from some chains in a stone-walled basement as a leather catsuit-clad redhead strides towards you with vicious blades running down the length of her forearms and hunger - literal hunger - in her eyes, you might find yourself wondering as she eats you alive that not listening when she said she was a dhampir was a mistake.

Blanka

Top Ten Tuesdays | Worst Video Game Characters To Take On A Date
You're expecting a Latin-tinged man with a passion for street football, some exotic dance moves and it even says in his profile that he knows Capoeira. Except that what you actually et is a green, feral man-beast who does backflips for no good reason, is The Only Ginger Person To Live In The Rainforest and likes to bite people. Oh, and one other thing, you can never touch him because he once made love to an electric eel and contracted it's power. No it's not the spark of love, you're just a weirdo.

Alma

Top Ten Tuesdays | Worst Video Game Characters To Take On A Date
Right, there's bunny boiler, and then there's this. Not only are you never really sure which version of Alma will turn up - if it's a childlike form, you're in real trouble, buster - but there's always the possibility that none of what you're experiencing is actually real, that it's all an Alma-fuelled hallucination and that actually she's doing terrible, awful things to you in the real world. Not even Liam Neeson would be able to help you out of that one.

Voldo


The trouble with Voldo, apart from the gimp outfit, inability to form words and metal codpiece, is that you're never really sure how he'll behave. One minute he'll be standing their patiently, swaying his arms about a little as you wait for the bartender to notice you, and the next he's scuttling about in the crab position, humping thin air, making people explode or doing the worm. Then again, in some clubs he might be the world's biggest hit, it's all subjective, really.

Ms. Pac-Man

Top Ten Tuesdays | Worst Video Game Characters To Take On A Date
First of all, always be wary about dating a woman who refuses to reveal if she's married or not, that indistinct 'Ms.' is a bit suspect. What's worse, though, is that you'll turn up for a nice romantic meal, she'll scoff the lot - including whatever you ordered. It's also a bit misleading to find yourself on a date with a rather unconvincing drag act...unless that's what you wanted. A pink bow and some lipstick? Sling yer hook!

Grayson Hunt


Grayson's pretty much everything you could possibly want in a man. His internet dating profile would be immaculate: rugged, handsome, capable and daring, he's fiercely loyal, good with his hands and a leader of men. But it's only when you meet up that you realise he can't go five seconds without saying, shouting or screaming the word 'dick'. After calling the waiter 'sushi-dick', labelling the beer 'dick-water' and fitting the phrase 'dick-tits' into every other sentence, there'd be no recourse but to kick him to the kerb. Plus you've got to wonder if this obsession isn't fuelled by inadequacy. Hmm...

Princess Peach

Top Ten Tuesdays | Worst Video Game Characters To Take On A Date

You'd think this would actually be quite a good choice. After all, she's a pretty, winsome blonde, who keeps fit by playing a variety of sports and, being royalty, has shedloads of money. But then, when she's asked over dinner what it is that she actually does, she replies that she rules over a kingdom of mushroom folk, finds giant turtle dragons sexy and will spend most of the time begging you to kidnap her because that kind of floats her boat.

Xbox 360 Avatar

Top Ten Tuesdays | Worst Video Game Characters To Take On A Date

Well according to the picture you should be heading out on a date with a gloriously tanned pirate captain with a pet robot and a cool hat. Then it turns out to be a 35 year old balding basement dweller who's only seen the sun once in the last nineteen days. Everybody lies, no one's avatar bears any sort of resemblance to the owner. But worst of all, you can't mute them in real life. You have to sit there and take the high pitched, helium-fuelled racial slurs and 'your mum' jokes.

Add a comment3 comments
dan38  Nov. 22, 2011 at 14:11

Bored Matt?

RiKx  Nov. 22, 2011 at 16:00

Bored Matt?

LOL

RiKx  Nov. 22, 2011 at 16:00

I look just like my avatar - I Sh*t you not!

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