There's a Big Thing happening this evening (remember that you can watch it live right here on Dealspwn.com), and so we've come up with a comprehensive set of rules that will help facilitate a celebratory party atmosphere wherever you may be watching.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're proud to present....Dealspwn's Playstation Meeting Drinking Game!
Take a sip (one finger)...
- For any sales figures that get plucked out of the air
- For every graph that gets trotted out
- Whenever someone new arrives onstage
- Every mention of the words "MotorStorm", "Uncharted", "God of War", "Metal Gear",or "Killzone"
- Whenever anyone utters the phrase "For the fans"
Take a mouthful (two fingers)...
- Upon hearing the barest hint of any wub-wub
- After every CGI trailer that fails to show any gameplay footage
- Every time someone apologises for a delay - "I'm sorry, please wait" (The Iwata Rule)
- Any time anyone calls something "cutting edge"
- If a celebrity turns up (add a shot if they could be described as Z-list)
Take hearty gulp (three fingers)...
- To celebrate each and every new Vita title that gets announced (safe for teetotallers)
- To celebrate any trailer that contains the phrase "Actual Gameplay/In-Game Footage"
- For any subtle, sly, backhanded remark about 'other systems' - @JackBrommers
- Any time anybody uses the word "integrate" or "Cross-Play" - @kingjobbie
- Any sort of wild defence of the Playstation Move
- Any speech that attempts to cast Playstation Home as anything more than an abject failure
- Any bizarre appearance from Ken Levine
Down your drink...
- If you set eyes upon Sony's next-gen console. The actual one, not some Photoshopped bollocks.
- If Gaikai turn up with cloud-based backwards-compatibility (beer) / If Gaikai turn up, armed only with cloud saves (spirits)
- If the controller has a touch-based interface
- If Sony attempt to flog the Playstation TV again during this presentation
Special Requirements for Special Events
- Stand and salute for any retrospective Playstation montage videos. Last person to salute must take a hearty gulp
- Take a shot of Saké every time a Giant Enemy Crab from Feudal Japan attacks Kaz Hirai - @mikeymonstar
- Punch the wall and then pour vodka over your bloodied knuckles if you're a Vita owner and Sony majestically fail to mention anything new for the Vita.
- Take two bottles of champagne. Spray one over everyone within a 20 metre radius, including neighbours, and chug the other until you turn into a human fountain if Kaz Hirai yells "RIIIIIIIIIDGGGGGGE RACER!!!"
- Stuff your face with port and Stilton at each and every awful joke and snippet of terribly scripted dialogue.
- If the price is revealed as $599 again then don't stop drinking...ever - @Gurrrv
This list was dreamed up for the most part by utter wastrels and recovering alcoholics (and some utterly lovely folks on Twitter who pitched in). They're terrible role models, and awful human beings. So please drink responsibly - http://www.drinkaware.co.uk/
Don't use absinthe. Seriously. Really bad idea. Plus you might end up seeing more Giant Enemy Crabs than are actually there, and that would create a vicious cycle.