I frequently come across leaked documents during my work as News Editor. My news desk overfloweth with rumours and rumblings... but now I've hit the motherlode. Santa kept this year's Christmas list on an unencrypted USB stick- so after hitting up xmasleaks.com, we can now exclusively tell you what our favourite industry figures and characters will be getting in their stockings this year!
Santa made a list. And we've checked it twice. It's time to find out who's been naughty or nice!
Obsidian: Incomplete Jigsaw
Santa's Notes: Oh, Obsidian. You've been a bit naughty this year. Fallout New Vegas was a cracking game- but was chock full of Ho Ho Holes! A lot of little girls and boys were disappointed when their save files, companions and quests went up in smoke.
So this Christmas, you'll be receiving a limited edition Vault Boy jigsaw puzzle... but half of the pieces aren't included. Some of them might get patched in through future updates! The ED-E piece is never going to fit properly, mind.
Gabe Newell: 2011 Calendar
Santa's Notes: I sympathise with Valve. Making over six billion toys a year means that I have to shroud my workshop in their "Valve Time" chronological dilation device... but even so, plenty of little kiddies started to cry after letting every single deadline slip through their fingers. The poor little tykes only wanted to play with portals and finally get their mitts on Episode 3.
Maybe I'll give them a 2012 calendar as well to make sure that they know the difference.
Kazunori Yamauchi: Padlocked Stocking
Santa's Notes: Polyphony Digital deserves a really nice present for Chrimbo. After all, he's been hard at work on GT5 for many years and has been a very good boy... just about. Unfortunately his decision to lock Gran Turismo 5's damage modelling was extremely disappointing, so he'll be getting his gift wrapped in a padlocked stocking that will only allow him access some time on Boxing day.
He'll need to spend over thirty hours working on it first!
Michael Pachter: Infinite Gobstopper
Little Mickey Pachter has been very naughty this year. Saying all those incorrect things about Gearbox, Red Ded Redemption and Playstation Move has caused a lot of equally naughty fanboys to have a lot of unseasonal arguments. [Note to self: remember to email Mr. Pachter about his rumours that I can't make enough presents for everyone this year.]
So maybe an infinite gobstopper would give him something to occupy his big mouth this year?
Bobby Kotick: Ghostly Visitations
Santa's Notes: I had to pull some serious supernatural strings for this one. After consulting my chief elf necromancer [note to self: never reveal existence of elvish necromancy], I've been able to guarantee that mean ol' Mr Kotick will be getting a little visit this Christmas Eve.
The Ghost Of Studios Past is going to swing by and have a little chat about Infinity Ward, and the Ghost of Developers Present is going to show him Tiny Tim Schafer's humble household. Oh, and the Ghost Of Bungie's Future is going to rough him up a bit.