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Weirdest Game Weapons: Ten Outstanding Oddities

Author:
Jonathan Lester
Category:
Features
Tags:
Bizarre Videogame Weaponry, Features, Top Ten

Weirdest Game Weapons: Ten Outstanding Oddities

Pistol, machine gun, shotgun, rocket launcher. Videogame weaponry tends to fall into these tired old cliches, so we tend to sit up and take notice when an imaginative new concept comes along. With that in mind, here's a list of our favourite bizarre gaming armaments for your viewing pleasure, get rrady for ten of the weirdest game weapons ever devised!

The rules are simple. For a weapon to be truly bizarre, it either has to exert a strange effect on its target or be a unique and crazy idea. It has to makes us sit up and take notice. Or, more likely, it has to be balls-out insane. These, then, are the armaments that have created many a WTF moment upon their first appearances, and subsequently provided us with oodles of entertainment.

Some honourable mentions who didn't quite make the grade include: the Gravity Gun (Half-Life 2), Your Penis (Custer's Revenge), and Soul Edge (Soul Calibur series). Now for the big guns, let's do it to it!

10: Wabbajack [Oblivion]

Weirdest Game Weapons: Ten Outstanding Oddities

What's brown and sticky... and can turn your enemies into random creatures? The Wabbajack, obviously. This ancient daemonic artifact may look like an ordinary tree branch, but the slightest touch will temporarily transform your opponent into a range of different forms. The truly bizarre thing about this weapon is the fact that it can transmute a powerful demon lord into a fluffy little sheep, or a defenseless villager into a colossal troll!  The Wabbajack provides guaranteed laughs, but use with caution.

9: Shrink Ray [Duke Nukem 3D]

Weirdest Game Weapons: Ten Outstanding Oddities

The Duke's got alien butt-kicking down to a fine art, but his Shrinker provides a truly original way of stamping down on the invading menace. Quite literally. As you'd expect, a few good hits reduces your opponent's size to around 12 inches, thereby allowing you to squash them under your macho, misogynistic heels. Shrink it, baby!

8: Portal Gun [Portal]

Weirdest Game Weapons: Ten Outstanding Oddities

The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device is a nifty piece of kit (as well as being a bit of a mouthful), since it can effectively turn anything into a lethal weapon. Scenery objects can be propelled into hostile targets at massive velocities, or twin portals can be created above their heads and underneath grand pianos. And if you're feeling particularly sadistic, it would be possible to trap an enemy in eternal freefall- thus making them starve to death.

7: Your Own Disgusting Slimy Body [Earthworm Jim]

Weirdest Game Weapons: Ten Outstanding Oddities

Earthworm Jim's got an arsenal of effective weaponry, but in a pinch he can use his entire body as a whip...somehow. No, I don't understand it either, a first glance suggests our invertebrate hero is completely 'armless. Still, it's as surprisingly effective as it is bizarre - and rightfully brings some classic retro flavour to the Top Ten.

6: Shower Head [Dead Rising]

Weirdest Game Weapons: Ten Outstanding Oddities

Dead Rising is packed full of exotic items to brutalise the undead with. After all, it's set in a shopping mall. However, the shower head deserves a special mention due to the bizarre application of this common household appliance. Rather than using it as a simple bludgeon, the shower head is rammed directly into a zombie's cranium, causing its blood, brains and innards to spray out of the nozzle in a beautiful crimson fountain. Turning slavering zombies into decorative and disgusting water features guarantees its place in our Top Ten...and in our hearts.

5: Concrete Donkey [Worms series]

Weirdest Game Weapons: Ten Outstanding Oddities

What is it about invertebrates and their bats weapons? The Worms franchise has brought us some wild armaments throughout the years. Exploding livestock, volatile fruit and suicidal tambourine-wielding grannies are all strong contenders for a place on this list, but when you need to deliver maximum pain in a ridiculous way, there's only one weapon that always delivers. The Concrete Donkey is a massive concrete beast of burden that stomps your enemies into oblivion under its enormous plinth before disappearing mysteriously into the ocean. Job done.

4: Land Shark Gun [Armed and Dangerous]

This gun fires sharks. Let that sink in for a moment...

...

Weirdest Game Weapons: Ten Outstanding Oddities

...

Yeah. So...sharks. They swim through the ground itself and devour your enemies. It is therefore one of the coolest weapons of all time.

So why doesn't the Land Shark Gun deserve first place? Well, sorry guys: but behind the hype, the LSG is just another homing missile. An amazingly zany homing missile to be sure, but we're looking for a little more originality in our top three.

3: Cat Silencer [Postal 2]

Weirdest Game Weapons: Ten Outstanding Oddities

It's not a weapon per se, but the Cat Silencer earns its bronze medal because it's utterly insane. Or, in other words, it's completely f****d up. Basically, this inhumane weapon modification allows you to muffle the sound of your rifle by screwing a cat onto the end of the barrel. Apparently the friction of Captain Snuggles' internal organs decreases bullet velocity and muzzle flash tenfold, which makes a disgusting kind of sense. Do not try this at home. Seriously. Unless you're bored.

The Cat Silencer deserves 3rd place because of its sheer lunacy. Outraged animal lovers should please send any and all complaints to [email protected]

2: The Blue Shell [Mario Kart]

Weirdest Game Weapons: Ten Outstanding Oddities

Every gamer worth their salt knows what the Blue Shell does, but few have ever stopped to consider how truly odd it is. Sure, it's second nature to wipe out the race leader and claim his position, but what actually is the great equaliser in the first place?

Think about it. The Blue Shell is an enormous, spiked, bright aquamarine, hollowed-out carapace of an endangered species that has wings mysteriously attached to its sides. And has been stuffed with what I can only assume is a mixture of high explosives and military-grade avionics.

That's pretty bizarre right there. Welcome to second place.

1: Topsy-Turvy Bomb [Armed and Dangerous]

Lucasarts' Armed and Dangerous sets the benchmark for crazy weaponry, and it was always going to provide the winner of this Top Ten. The big question, of course, is which weapon will fill the top spot? We've already featured the epic Land Shark Gun, so there was really only one clear option: The Topsy Turvy Bomb.

Weirdest Game Weapons: Ten Outstanding Oddities

This devastating weapon is deceptively simple to operate. Shove the enormous corkscrew into the ground and hang on tight... because the Topsy-Turvy bomb literally flips the world upside down. The entire horizon rotates by 180 degrees, causing your foes to fall down into the sky...and then hurtle to earth when the gravity corrects itself. Lucasarts' trademark sense of humour permeates every aspect of this weapon, and it fully deserves the title of Most Bizarre Videogame Weapon.

Think we've missed out a bizarre boomstick? Let us know in the comments!

Add a comment6 comments
EndlessWaves  Feb. 18, 2010 at 14:56

Well the obvious one you missed is Thief's moss arrows, although I suppose they're not technically a weapon.

Jonathan Lester  Feb. 18, 2010 at 15:13

Good call! If a few more epic weapons appear in the comments then I'll make an 'honourable mentions' section.

LanceVance  Feb. 18, 2010 at 16:48

Last Bronx. Joe Inagaki had a set of CORN ON THE COB!! Best weapon ever!!

BPhoenix  Feb. 18, 2010 at 16:55

Her own hair, the heroine of action game Bayonetta can kill with I reckon these days

Gamer Girl  Aug. 21, 2010 at 05:24

Weapons that I think you missed:

Toilet Plunger Gun (Rayman Raving Rabbids): Launches the most dangerous weapon in existence...The toilet plunger!

The Keyblade (Kingdom Hearts series): Literally a combination of a key and a sword. Has the ability to unlock hearts as well as any lock ever created. Lets face it, attacking an enemy with a giant key is a little weird.

Pogo Stick (Fullmetal Alchemist and the Broken Angel): Player can bounce up and down on enemies. I find this endlessly amusing.

RiKx  Jan. 23, 2012 at 11:26

Where's the CEREBRAL BORE from Turok eh?

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