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Top Ten Tuesdays: Unannounced Sequels I Already Hate

Author:
Brendan Griffiths
Category:
Features
Tags:
Angry gamer, Army of Two, Assassin's Creed, DLC, Dynasty Warriors, Final Fantasy XIII-2, Kane and Lynch, lego, Raving Rabbids, Resident Evil, Streets of Rage 4, Top Ten, Top Ten Tuesdays, Uwe Boll

Top Ten Tuesdays: Unannounced Sequels I Already Hate

We live in the world of the sequel, the remake, the annual release, the safe bet, the lazy rehash. Occasionally a new name might emerge, a new IP (Intellectual Property) that hopes to become the next big franchise, but they're generally seen to be too risky in the world of the multi-million pound costs of developing and marketing a game.

Some sequels are essential though and 2011 will be no different with Uncharted 3, Mass Effect 3 and Batman: Arkham City already driving us nuts with the wait. Sometimes though, when we see an announcement for a sequel, our hearts sink, we question the sanity of developers/publishers and usually have a bit of a fight around the office to see which poor sod will have to review it.

So here's a look at the sequels that haven't been announced yet, but in all probability will be in the near future. Albeit with slightly more marketable titles.

1:Kane & Lynch 3: Shooting Babies

Top Ten Tuesdays: Unannounced Sequels I Already Hate

Last year Io Interactive took the unusual approach of making an ugly game even uglier for the sequel and fixing almost nothing. You have to admire their work ethic of 'f**k the public, they'll buy anything, so why bother?' Handheld camera angles, super-blocky lo-res images (yay it's like YouTube said my PS3 in disgust), childish controversy and bullets that still seemed miserably slow. What's the point of well-conceived multiplayer modes when shooting a gun is such a broken experience? A tie-in movie might just work instead, as the story had a sharp pace to it and we've all enjoyed the Michael Mann-inspired moments, but in all honesty we wish this pair of old dogs had died tied to those chairs in Shanghai.

2: Dynasty/Gundam/Samurai Warriors: Xtreme Armageddon Soldier Mowing

Top Ten Tuesdays: Unannounced Sequels I Already Hate

What we remember as briefly enjoyable demos back in the PS2 days have slowly fallen apart this generation. How this series managed to survive in Japan is questionable, but we honestly don't see the point in them being released over here any more. Gameplay eternally revolves around pressing the square button and maybe triangle every now and then. As the KO count rises to 1000 in one mission you'll have stopped seeing enemy soldiers as it feels more like cutting down tall grass with a spear-shaped garden-strimmer. Feel free to put the upcoming Warriors: Legends of Troy in the same river-bound sack.

3: Resident Evil (The movie series)

Top Ten Tuesdays: Unannounced Sequels I Already Hate

Fair enough, even the second film is better than any of the game licenses Uwe Boll's raped over the years. But the last film (Afterlife) almost forgot to include zombies for frig's sake. Sorry Milla we're just not interested any more. The series needs a complete revamp, with a new cast and director. All we really want is to see the fourth game turned into a film, how hard would that be? Failing that, dismember it, burn it and bury it in concrete to stop it rising again.

4: Army of Two: Three Way

Top Ten Tuesdays: Unannounced Sequels I Already Hate

Please stop EA. Remember when everyone used to hate you before Activision became the Uberswine? It's because of shite like this. The Co-op trend died with the first game that played like a drunk Gears of War with smashed kneecaps. When the best thing I can find to say about your game is that it's like a slightly less toss version of Kane & Lynch, you know it's time to move on.

5: Final Fantasy XIII-2

Top Ten Tuesdays: Unannounced Sequels I Already Hate

Ok, so this has actually been announced which could mean one of three things: 1 I should start writing up my features sooner. 2: Square-Enix can read my mind and enjoy torturing me. Or 3: they just can't be arsed coming with anything new. So the most criticised FF title ever is amazingly getting a sequel. It's mainly upsetting because we know they might learn their lesson and make a great game again. Which means we'll have to actually finish FFXIII.

6: Lego 'insert film name'

Top Ten Tuesdays: Unannounced Sequels I Already Hate

I can't think of a single license that would convert me to the Lego games. Tired, generic, fan-milking garbage. Star Wars, Batman, Harry Potter, Indiana Jones, all fantastic exercises in making the same game over and over again. Pirates of the Caribbean next, which might be worse than the third movie. Call me when they make Lego Manhunt (the game) or Lego Evil Dead and we'll talk.

7: Assassin's Creed 2: Part 3

Top Ten Tuesdays: Unannounced Sequels I Already Hate

Last year's Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood acted as a direct sequel to AC2, rather than moving the series forward a time period with each game, as was originally intended. After another successful Xmas takings from Ezio, will Ubisoft be tempted to go for another roll in the hay with him? We've enjoyed our Italian holidays, but let's get on with a new setting now. Our very own Felix got stuck into where the series could go next, so go read and send Ubisoft an email.

8: Street of Rage 4

Top Ten Tuesdays: Unannounced Sequels I Already Hate

Streets of Rage 2 was one of the finest beat em' ups ever made. The Sega Saturn almost saw a fourth game in the series, but it was canned early on, mainly because it looked awful as the series tried to move into 3D. The genre hasn't really survived on modern consoles, as it's evolved into adventure-combat titles like God of War and Bayonetta. It won't be long though before we see the grave-robbers return to ruin memories with more pap like the Splatterhouse remake. If you insist on doing it Sega, at least keep it 2D.

9: Robbing DLC

Top Ten Tuesdays: Unannounced Sequels I Already Hate

Remember the times when you would unlock extra content in a game by playing it? Now the only thing we get out of that is a few Achievements, Trophies or (arghhh!) Concept art. Extra outfits for Super Street Fighter IV, multiplayer modes that are already on the disc (hello Resi 5) and extra music are some of the biggest culprits of DLC criminality. Or there are games that let you pay to unlock everything in the game. We're now paying for stuff that we used to press a combination of buttons at the start menu for. Worse still, you can buy all the online multiplayer weapons early in games like Medal of Honor, giving you all the best ones from the start, instead or working for them like everyone else.

10: Raving Rabbids

Top Ten Tuesdays: Unannounced Sequels I Already Hate

How many parties have you been to, lured in by the promise of a bit of a gaming session? You know the hosts have a PS3 or 360 and a few tasty multiplayer classics like COD, Street Fighter IV or FIFA. But no, some arsehole spies the Wii that, I've been slyly covering with my coat, and insists on cracking out a f**king Rabbids game. Crap like this is the biggest barrier to casual gamers ever playing something half-decent. Ugly, half-broken motion controls and more shat-out minigames than good ones hasn't stopped these Rayman usurping little bastards from seeing numerous identical sequels.

And breathe. So how about it readers? Have I just savaged a beloved series? Or do you share the fury at any other title announcements? Vent below in the comments section.


Add a comment7 comments
Anonymous Coward (Big Fat Crying Baby)  Mar. 15, 2011 at 13:38

"We live in the world of the sequel, the remake, the annual release, the safe bet, the lazy rehash"

The lazy article, more like. Why even bother covering real games when we can just make them up? At least have the decency to write something funny!

Jonathan Lester  Mar. 15, 2011 at 13:56

For the record, I desire an Army Of Two... Three... with the passion of a thousand fist bumps and erotic ass slaps.

thedeadstu  Mar. 15, 2011 at 14:32

I for one will still be buying Dynasty Warriors 28, Dynasty Warriors 28 Xtreme Legends, Dynasty Warriors 28 Empires, Dynasty Warriors 28 Xtreme Empire Legends, Dynasty Warriors 28 Super Hyper Mega Xtreme Empire Legendary Edition and of course Dynasty Warriors 28 My God We're Still Getting Away With This Edition ... and of course all the D/L content for 1200 MP which will enable to make the boobs on the woman 5% larger.

ODB  Mar. 15, 2011 at 15:03

Having played Army of two (though only the 1st as a co-op with my homeboy) and both the K&L's I really dont get why they get slated so badly. Maybe they werent the best in comparison to some games but they were damn good fun. Surely thats the point of games?

Not aiming this at you Brendan (I'm sure you have actualy played them or you wouldnt slate) but the vast majority of people who slate them have never actually played them?! Plus at the price you can pick them up now they are an absolute bargain! Didnt Matt even give K&L2 7/10?

Matt Gardner  Mar. 15, 2011 at 15:05

I'm going to have to jump in and defend TT I'm afraid. All of the LEGO games are wonderful...including and especially LEGO Rock Band.

LEGO Star Wars is still the only game I've seen where a 68 year old, a 5 year old and an Achievement whoring, hardcore gaming 22 year old jumped into the action and laughed their butts off for a good hour.

Andrew  Mar. 15, 2011 at 15:06

9. Robbing DLC
Tricky subject this, to be devils advocate for a sec... the only reason it's done like this now is because the publisher makes a massive loss with people preferring to buy a traded in version of the game than a brand new one, I don't blame the consumer for that, any way you can save a buck, right?. The problem is publisher doesn't make any money from the sale of trade-ins (I'm looking at you Game), and it doesn't count towards official sale numbers either, so the only way the publisher can try to recoup their money is through the sale of DLC, or use-once unlock-codes that come bundled with the game, so the next owner needs to spend a couple of pounds extra to get the full experience, which still a big loss to the publisher tho, but they just want a slice of the trade-in pie too.

Unfortunatly, if the publisher doesn't make enough money from the sale of a title, or deems the sale numbers too low, then the developer isn't paid to make sequel and no-ones appears to realise that if the industry doesn't make money from the sale of the titles, then it will fold, and that will put stores like Game out of business too.

This is also why there's now a trend towards direct downloads, as they are locked to the account they were purchased on and can't be traded, this is mainly PC atm but more and more the consoles are beginning to do it too.

So, I've ranted too much (and I could talk about this all day) but personally I'd replace 9. with Trade-ins, as that's the real reason why the industry has shifted in the last couple of years, get rid of them and you see a decline in Robbing DLC too.

Gunn  Mar. 15, 2011 at 15:13

Why do games need special treatment for selling something used, I think it is a rip off. What a mad world it would be if every company wanted people to only buy new items, do you think a car manufacturer should get a cut of each resale? People wouldn't be happy if when something is sold its somehow crippled or reduced from its original form.

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