One of the best things about enjoying E3 from the comfort of your own living room/study/bedroom/venue with a livestream here in the UK is that everything happens after you clock off. This means that E3 can be enjoyed with a beer/wine/whisky in hand -- it's time to wheel out this year's E3 drinking game.
May the shots be ever in your favour.
NB. We ought to stress that drinking responsibly is totally awesome and absolutely something that you should try and do. You don't even have to use booze, to be honest. You could always substitute it with milk or Mountain Dew or shots of Virgin Mary. Just because we're preparing backup refill jugs for White Russians doesn't mean that you have to. Replace the beers with chillies, and then film the anarchy so we can all have a good laugh later on.
Have a little tipple...
- Whenever the live feed crashes
- If a trailer without any gameplay footage whatsoever is shown
- Any time there's a hilarious tech failure onstage...drink twice for hideous scripting before the fail (see: Nintendo)
- When a presenter pauses for applause/reaction and there's an uncomfortably quiet gap
- Whenever an "HD/Remaster" version of a game appears
- Throughout any announcement that deals with sports partnerships
Sink that drink...
- If any new hardware is revealed
- If at any time Shenmue 3 of Half-Life 3 are announced
- Any time one of the main platform holders is upstaged/rescued by Ubisoft
Take a hearty swig of your preferred beverage...
- For every gaming t-shirt Phil Spencer wears during the presentation
- Any time anyone mentions any variation on "listening to the community/fans" following last year's omnishambles
- If 343 announce the Master Chief Collection, twice if Cortana is announced for the Xbox One
- At any mention of SmartGlass
- Any time the (now optional) importance of Kinect is stressed in any capacity
Finish your glass...
- If Crackdown 3 is announced, finish another second drink if Platinum are developing it
- If 343 show Halo 5 gameplay footage
- For a Kinect-less Rare reveal
- For timed-exclusive DLC
Wet those lips...
- Whenever Andrew Wilson cracks a rather forced joke, drink twice for each joke if it's Peter Moore
- If an athlete is dragged onstage
- Every time you hear the words "levolution" and any variation of "authentic"
- For a Battlefront gameplay vid
Drain the lot...
- If DICE get through their Battlefield presentation without mentioning/apologising for the state of BF4
- If Mass Effect makes an appearance
- If Amy Hennig takes the stage at any point
- For Mirror's Edge 2
Have a cheeky snifter...
- For the Aisha Tyler swear jar -- every cuss warrants a sip
- To try and forget every mention of uPlay, unless they cancel the service in which case down your drink in celebration
- For every single collector's edition of Assassin's Creed Unity and Far Cry 4
- If an Assassin's Creed game other than Unity is announced
- Any time exclusive DLC is described in terms of minutes
Open the hatch...
- If Mr Caffeine or Tobuscus (or indeed any obnoxious YT celeb) are spotted during the duration
- If Tyler utters the phrase "Danger Zone"
- For Beyond Good & Evil 2 or Rainbow Six
- If Ubi demo anything using a Wii U
Taste the boozy rainbow...
- Every time someone actually says the word "indie"
- Whenever there's a hilariously unsubtle dig at the competition, finish it if Andrew House has a drop-the-mic moment
- Every time someone waxes lyrical about "the power of Morpheus", drink twice when a Morpheus demo screws up
- If David Cage shows up with another tech demo, also drink every time he uses the word "emotion"
- For every utterance of the phrase "exclusive content"
Down in one...
- If Sony get Lawrence Fishburne to demo Morpheus
- If Sony announce a major exclusive for 2014
- If the big finish turns out to be a multiplatform game or an HD remake
- If anything gets a price cut
Crack open a bottle of something bubbly...
- If The Last Guardian is given a release date
Sample the wares...
- Every time Iwata apologises or says "please understand"
- For every new custom 3DS tie-in
- Whenever the attention turns to a game that's already been released
- When a reveal is cut brutally short to be further explained "in a future Nintendo Direct"
- Throughout any hideously scripted sequences
- The instant anything meme-worthy happens, drink twice if Reggie is involved, sink the lot if he says "my body is ready"
See it off...
- If Nintendo announce a new Zelda game that isn't Hyrule Warriors
- For a new Nintendo IP announcement
- If the Wii U gets another price cut
- If a Pokemon RPG/new Metroid game/ F-Zero title/Starfox return/Mario Galaxy successor is announced for Wii U
Remember, drink responsibly! And maybe have a bucket on hand.