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The Official Dealspwn E3 2014 Drinking Game

Author:
Matt Gardner
Category:
Features
Tags:
Drinking Game, E3 2014, EA, Microsoft, Nintendo, Sony, Ubisoft

The Official Dealspwn E3 2014 Drinking Game

One of the best things about enjoying E3 from the comfort of your own living room/study/bedroom/venue with a livestream here in the UK is that everything happens after you clock off. This means that E3 can be enjoyed with a beer/wine/whisky in hand -- it's time to wheel out this year's E3 drinking game.

May the shots be ever in your favour.

NB. We ought to stress that drinking responsibly is totally awesome and absolutely something that you should try and do. You don't even have to use booze, to be honest. You could always substitute it with milk or Mountain Dew or shots of Virgin Mary. Just because we're preparing backup refill jugs for White Russians doesn't mean that you have to. Replace the beers with chillies, and then film the anarchy so we can all have a good laugh later on.

General Rules

Have a little tipple...

  • Whenever the live feed crashes
  • If a trailer without any gameplay footage whatsoever is shown
  • Any time there's a hilarious tech failure onstage...drink twice for hideous scripting before the fail (see: Nintendo)
  • When a presenter pauses for applause/reaction and there's an uncomfortably quiet gap
  • Whenever an "HD/Remaster" version of a game appears
  • Throughout any announcement that deals with sports partnerships

Sink that drink...

  • If any new hardware is revealed
  • If at any time Shenmue 3 of Half-Life 3 are announced
  • Any time one of the main platform holders is upstaged/rescued by Ubisoft

The Official Dealspwn E3 2014 Drinking Game

Take a hearty swig of your preferred beverage...

  • For every gaming t-shirt Phil Spencer wears during the presentation
  • Any time anyone mentions any variation on "listening to the community/fans" following last year's omnishambles
  • If 343 announce the Master Chief Collection, twice if Cortana is announced for the Xbox One
  • At any mention of SmartGlass
  • Any time the (now optional) importance of Kinect is stressed in any capacity

Finish your glass...

  • If Crackdown 3 is announced, finish another second drink if Platinum are developing it
  • If 343 show Halo 5 gameplay footage
  • For a Kinect-less Rare reveal
  • For timed-exclusive DLC

The Official Dealspwn E3 2014 Drinking Game

Wet those lips...

  • Whenever Andrew Wilson cracks a rather forced joke, drink twice for each joke if it's Peter Moore
  • If an athlete is dragged onstage
  • Every time you hear the words "levolution" and any variation of "authentic"
  • For a Battlefront gameplay vid

Drain the lot...

  • If DICE get through their Battlefield presentation without mentioning/apologising for the state of BF4
  • If Mass Effect makes an appearance
  • If Amy Hennig takes the stage at any point
  • For Mirror's Edge 2

The Official Dealspwn E3 2014 Drinking Game

Have a cheeky snifter...

  • For the Aisha Tyler swear jar -- every cuss warrants a sip
  • To try and forget every mention of uPlay, unless they cancel the service in which case down your drink in celebration
  • For every single collector's edition of Assassin's Creed Unity and Far Cry 4
  • If an Assassin's Creed game other than Unity is announced
  • Any time exclusive DLC is described in terms of minutes

Open the hatch...

  • If Mr Caffeine or Tobuscus (or indeed any obnoxious YT celeb)  are spotted during the duration
  • If Tyler utters the phrase "Danger Zone"
  • For Beyond Good & Evil 2 or Rainbow Six
  • If Ubi demo anything using a Wii U

The Official Dealspwn E3 2014 Drinking Game

Taste the boozy rainbow...

  • Every time someone actually says the word "indie"
  • Whenever there's a hilariously unsubtle dig at the competition, finish it if Andrew House has a drop-the-mic moment
  • Every time someone waxes lyrical about "the power of Morpheus", drink twice when a Morpheus demo screws up
  • If David Cage shows up with another tech demo, also drink every time he uses the word "emotion"
  • For every utterance of the phrase "exclusive content"

Down in one...

  • If Sony get Lawrence Fishburne to demo Morpheus
  • If Sony announce a major exclusive for 2014
  • If the big finish turns out to be a multiplatform game or an HD remake
  • If anything gets a price cut

Crack open a bottle of something bubbly...

  • If The Last Guardian is given a release date

The Official Dealspwn E3 2014 Drinking Game

Sample the wares...

  • Every time Iwata apologises or says "please understand"
  • For every new custom 3DS tie-in
  • Whenever the attention turns to a game that's already been released
  • When a reveal is cut brutally short to be further explained "in a future Nintendo Direct"
  • Throughout any hideously scripted sequences
  • The instant anything meme-worthy happens, drink twice if Reggie is involved, sink the lot if he says "my body is ready"

See it off...

  • If Nintendo announce a new Zelda game that isn't Hyrule Warriors
  • For a new Nintendo IP announcement
  • If the Wii U gets another price cut
  • If a Pokemon RPG/new Metroid game/ F-Zero title/Starfox return/Mario Galaxy successor is announced for Wii U

The Official Dealspwn E3 2014 Drinking Game

Remember, drink responsibly! And maybe have a bucket on hand.

Add a comment10 comments
stevenjameshyde  Jun. 9, 2014 at 14:10

Sink that drink... If any new hardware is revealed

Is that one drink per new colour of Vita, or just one for the range overall?

MattGardner  Jun. 9, 2014 at 14:17

Is that one drink per new colour of Vita, or just one for the range overall?


One per new hardware range! Custom 3DS units don't count either or Ninty's presser would be a maelstrom of chunder :D

RodM  Jun. 9, 2014 at 14:19

Sink that drink... If any new hardware is revealed

Is that one drink per new colour of Vita, or just one for the range overall?


Seperate shot of different liquor for each separate colour.

stevenjameshyde  Jun. 9, 2014 at 14:20

Sink that drink... If any new hardware is revealed

Is that one drink per new colour of Vita, or just one for the range overall?


Seperate shot of different liquor for each separate colour.

And match the colour of liquor to the colour of Vita? Like it. I'll dig out the Creme de Menthe

RodM  Jun. 9, 2014 at 14:20

Also, Matt, add "Starfox successor" to the end of the Nintendo rules.

MattGardner  Jun. 9, 2014 at 14:57

Also, Matt, add "Starfox successor" to the end of the Nintendo rules.


DONE!

Worried about the different colours thing...but I have vodka and a pack of Skittles so I'm flexible.

Late  Jun. 9, 2014 at 15:11

Worried about the different colours thing...but I have vodka and a pack of Skittles so I'm flexible.


Genuine laugh out loud! :D
That's thinking on your feet.

I'm pretty sure none of us will be on our feet at the end of this, mind. Sink your drink every time Ubi save someone?! I'd best alert A&E.

ChrisHyde  Jun. 9, 2014 at 16:52

I laughed out loud at:

If Sony get Lawrence Fishburne to demo Morpheus

This is a truly evil drinking game, it would annihilate me for sure.

Breadster  Jun. 9, 2014 at 22:16

Lawrence Fishburn demoing Morpheus would be an instant win of E3 for Sony.

MattGardner  Jun. 9, 2014 at 22:21

Well, the Ubi part of the drinking game has just been officially endorsed (RT'd) by Aisha Tyler. Time to bust out that cider that's been slowly fermenting again in the garage and saddle up!

Let's do this Ubisoft!

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