Every Sunday, we'll be diving into the Dealspwn archives to bring you an article or review from yesteryear. This Valentine's Weekend, it's only fitting that we revisit our lost loves in an article originally published back 2011.
You might remember a couple of old faces!
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Lydia ♥ Thane Krios
This Valentine's Day I only have eyes for a certain Drell mercenary. I have always been notoriously picky when it comes to matters of the heart but any human foolhardy enough to wish to woo this childish daydreamer now has an even more monumental task on his hands. For what mere mortal could compare to this handsome and exotic alien with the strength, skill, bravery and rapier mind of an assassin but the heart and soul of a tortured poet? Sure he is riddled by guilt and the angstiest of existential angst but he more than makes up for it with his fascinating, mysterious past, gentle manner and quiet capability.
We could go to a quiet little bar somewhere in the far flung reaches of the galaxy and he could call me "Siha" in that achingly melodic voice. And later, from our cosy little space ship (shhh, in this fantasy he's not dying ok?!) we could look back on that magical first Valentine's night and he could recall it exactly. How full the moons were, the way their light played upon my hair, how I squealed when he noticed a rare Kahjian bug nestled in it, how he told a slightly risqué turian joke and made me laugh until my ice brandy shot out of my nose... Every little detail. Every. single. tiny. little thing.
On second thoughts, I wonder whether Link is still available...
Jon ♥ John
Dearest John Carmack,
I WROET U A POME!
Long I've admired you from afar,
Watched every engine push the bar.
I love Hexen, Doom and Quake,
And thoughts of you makes my heart ache.
Since neither of us is a lady,
Things won't get physical. Well... maybe.
But we'll hang out until old age,
Or at least until you've finished RAGE.
If you turn me down, my heart will schism,
Like an inexpertly-coded texture compression algorithm.
Will you be my Valentine?
Please don't outsource more games to Raven.
For the record I'm completely shaven.
(my head, that is)
Emma ♥ Gordon Freeman
There can be only one choice when it comes to picking out the perfect video game Valentine. Ladies, you don't want any of those floppy haired metrosexuals or steroid-pumped space marines. You can leave your Buster Swords and your Battle Rifles at home thank you very much. No, such a romantic day requires a romantic type. A man who defines silent and strong.
I give you...Gordon Freeman.
You can bet that Gordon's good with his hands and useful when it comes to fixing things up and DIY, just look at the way he handles a crowbar: It tells you all you need to know. But he's multidimensional too. He's smart, sexy, and you can bet that physicist's brain of his will equate to some financial security. He'll never say the wrong thing - or anything in particular for that matter - or use foul, obscene language, and although he works long hours away from home, he'll always come back to you. Plus if when the zombie apocalypse happens, his eye for secret make-out passages and quiet competency with a firearm will keep any woman safe.
Alyx Vance? Pfft! He's mine! Although getting him out of that hazard suit might be a little tricky...
Matt ♥ Xbox
I know we've had our differences in the past. I said some things and hurled some controllers, you got so angry that you started glowing red and fuming at the vents, but I want you to know at this time of year that I still love you.
I know I was perhaps a little rude when I told you to lose some weight and wished aloud that you'd make less noise when it was just you and I. But I've got to say that the new look you've gone for really works for me, and I'm sorry if I ever offended you. I'm sorry for spending some time with your cute and bubbly sister the Wii while you were away in hospital during the first few months of our relationship. She was just so different. And I know you're jealous of the way I've been eyeing up the Playstation, but we're just friends I swear!
But you haven't exactly been perfect either! I'm well aware of your infidelity, offering up things that were exclusively ours to undeserving others. And whenever you promise to step things up and wow me with new surprises it's never anything that I've actually asked for.
But you fit into my hands like no other and, when I think of all that we've Achieved together, I can't let go.
Please be my Valentine.*
*Unless Sylvia Christel dumps that douchebag Travis that is!