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Video Game Zombies: A Halloween Special

Matt Gardner
Features, Halloween, Zombies

Gaming has a weird, gory kind of love affair with zombies. We love 'em. Not in that way obviously, but in a 'isn't-it-awfully-nice-to-introduce-them-to-several-thousand-bullets' kind of way. With Dead Rising 2 hitting two million sales, franchises like Resident Evil and Left 4 Dead (although not strictly zombies) etched into our cultural memory, it's clear that undead fever is as strong as it ever was.

But here at Dealspwn, we rather think zombies get the short end of the stick and, as everyone who's watched Zombieland or The Evil Dead or anything by George Romero, the zombie apocalypse is coming. It's inevitable, and the fact of the matter is that not everyone will be able to get out...gaming heroes included. With that in mind, and with Halloween peeking it's head around the corner this weekend, we thought we'd imagine what some of our favourite gaming protagonists might look and act like if they found themselves subject to the zombie apocalypse and didn't quite make it in time.

Zombie Lara

Video Game Zombies: A Halloween Special

A Lara zombie would be a formidable enemy indeed. You'd walk up her at the sun-splashed bar next to an ancient marvel, attracted by her long, flowing hair, her big brown eyes, the hotpants, the boots and the shirt that's gloriously two sizes too small. And then you'd realise that, what you thought was rouge was actually just the flecks of red mist from her mid morning snack and just as you took her hand to kiss it, it'd come off.

Within seconds a dozen old wounds have opened up, parts of her hair have fallen off and you're faced with the monstrosity above. It'd be like a honey trap...if the honey was super mouldy and filled with a necrotic disease.

Her lithe movements and acrobatic predilections would certainly make for a more mobile member of the undead, although if she had to stop every so often to stuff her guts back in, we wouldn't be too worried.

Danger Rating: B+

Zombie Gordon

Video Game Zombies: A Halloween Special

Zombie Gordon's main talent would certainly lie in the fact that you'd never know when the hell he was coming. Most zombies at least announce their presence with uncontrollable slavering or the wailing groan of the permanently deceased, but Gordon - being the strong silent type in life - would undoubtedly be consumed with a deathly quiet in...erm...death.

The HEV suit could be a problem but, as anyone who's seen Shaun of the Dead will know, you kill zombies by removing the head or destroying the brain...so really it's actually giving you a target. I still wouldn't want to be filleted with that crowbar, mind. Just think how messy it would be. Actually, don't...it'd be like trying to carve a chicken with a garden hoe.

Danger Rating: C

Super Undead Mario Bros.

Video Game Zombies: A Halloween Special

Not all zombies need to be horrifically disfigured. Mario probably just came across a bucket of zombie KFC and tucked in, waking up the next day as a deceased immortal.

Of course, the truly sad thing is that in death we finally understand exactly how that whole brotherly relationship played out behind closed doors. We'd always secretly suspected Mario of being a bully and a twat to his better looking, rather more dashing brother and the picture above would certainly seem to confirm that.

He'd probably use Luigi's head as an impromptu bowling ball to distract his victims, the fat bastard.

Danger Rating: D

Zombie Pac-Man

Video Game Zombies: A Halloween Special

Avoid at all costs!

There can be no doubt that if Pac-man were ever to be turned by the dark forces of the night, the world as we know it would simply cease to be. It never stops eating. Ever! Not even other zombies would be safe, it'd just be one giant banquet for Zombie Pac-man with everyone and everything on the menu.

Admittedly, you can kill him just by touching him...but what if he's already dead?! That just wouldn't work, and who knows where the hell his head stops and body begins. You have to go for the brain, but by that time he'd have eaten you and be on to the next yummy dot.

Just pray to god you don't run into his wife!

Danger Rating: A+

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